I remember the question of 'online love' being brought up in lecture.. and I don't think its all that surprising. My close friend has been attached for a few years to a girl he met online. This weird friend of mine uses this online dancing game called 'Audition' to repeatedly get (ugly) girl friends. And as some of you may know, I had a girlfriend (lasted a year) from world of warcraft, an MMO (massive multiplayer online) game. Some games even lets you get 'married' (see above).
Even non-gamers can agree that using the internet can be very conducive to attracting people of the opposite gender. My indian friend, a veritable 'player' waxes lyrical about the pros of using Face-book, a networking website, for getting to know more girls.
Here's a blog that makes an interesting read: http://mmocouples.blogspot.com/
It's a blog where couples that have met through MMOs send in their stories. In quite a few cases, people actually travel long distances to meet the partners that they have fallen in love with online, and end up living with them. Some actually end up married. What actually causes this?
Here are some interesting statistics the blog has of a small sampling:
7) Use of other media to communicate:
39.4% started using other media within less than 1 month of knowing eachother; The telephone was used most often: 33.3%; E-mail: 21.2%; Skype: 18.2%; Webcam: 9.1%
9) The first real life encounter:
51% of the participants met for the first time in real life after 6 months or more of knowing each other online
10) Knowing what the other person looks like in advance:
69.7% shared pictures in advance; 18.2% used the webcam; 12.1% had a blind date
12) Living together or planning to start living together:
36.4% of the participants is living together now; 54.5% plans on living together in the future; 9.1% of the partcipants have no plans to start living together
14) People who live together:
75% of them have been living together for 1 year or longer
92.3% of them had to move to another state or country
- 21.1% of the participants are married; 39.4% are not married; and 48.5% of the particpants have plans to get married
- 87.9% consider their relationship to be successful; 12.1% are not sure if the relationship will survive
There are no physical appearances to make judgement of, and no way to know how this person walks, smells, or his or her mannerisms. What you have though, is an online avatar, a character that represents you. Typically, most people play such MMO games, to lose themselves in a virtual world. If in this virtual world, you are always with a person, fighting through thick and thin and working through obstacles together, would we not feel something for these people through a proximity effect?
One of the articles in the blog argues that although all of these information are not available to us, through an online world, we are able to judge a person's character through the way they behave in-game. Are they helpful? Selfish? Many of these games require cooperation and working in large teams called 'guilds'. "It is in those situations, people ingame often show manners and a way of behaving they would probably also display at work or at school. So by observing someone's behaviour while actively playing, you can get quite a valid picture of his or her personality." In these large scale situations involving many players, conflicts arise often. The resolutions can be functional and dysfunctional, and the people that solve it functionally, are more often than not, mature people in real life.
Behind all these avatars are real people, dictating the avatar's decisions and actions. Through the interpretation of behavior, even online behavior, the person's personality can easily be communicated.
11 comments:
whatever happened to epin or whatever it is called darren? haha, anyway, back to the topic.
can i suggest a reason for the phenomenon you mentioned? well, i believe that since most of these players spend a considerable amount of time online playing these games, feelings will inevitably grow for people who complete quests, do raids, or whatever that you guys do together. since most players are very much immersed into the game, the line between reality and virtual is very much blurred.
but i still believe that having met in person, and getting to know him/her better, knowing the little quirks and all, is the only true way one can attain a true, and lasting relationship.
it's e-peen! haha..Agreed about the blurring of virtual and reality.
well..but these people do in the end finally get to meet up right?
Maybe online relationship as a sort of prelude?
I think the main issue is whether we have or are able to get rid of preset notions we may have developed in knowing a person online, that may not be true.
What should i say? I can totally relate to this entry of yours since I have myself, experienced e-love.
Yes you are right by saying avatars are controlled by real people and their true personality can be revealed through long period of contact in the game. It is true that we are unable to see non-verbal cues or their behaviour in reality. That is why we need to know more about the person before engaging in a relationship.
It is "wonderful" that people can fall in love with online characters even though they may live in different hemispheres of the earth. After some time, people feel curious to know more about that person and so they meet up in reality to see how true they are or how similar that person is in reality as in the game. However a person met his or her other half, love should not be restricted just because they did not know each other face to face when they fell in love.
why i am not suprised that the picture came from Amanda. i'm sure she has many others from her marriages with her different 'husbands'.
it is true that the virtual environment has provided us a safe place to try things we would normally consider as highly risky in the real world, as living in a virtual world means even death can be undone.
unfortunately, exorbitant use of this virtual life robs us of our self worth and confidence, as we lose the responsibilities that follow when we make a decision in real life; these cannot be undone with a click of the mouse.
it can be argued that online games have their own challenges, and going through them with your online partner will show you insights of their behaviour. but please, let us remember that none of these 'challenges' is alike those in real life; mortgage loans, unplanned pregnancies and such.
if we were meant to lead online lives, we would not be born flesh and blood, instead we'd be made up on 1s and 0s.
Having a non-existent social life drives the E-nerds to seek companionship online.
Having to complete stages in the game with their E-Companion, allows them to form relationships with trust, understanding etc..Basically elements needed and formed in real relationships are also formed in E-relationships..The only question is the depth and range of these feelings and commitment.
I think one of the advantages of e-Love is that we do not judge people based on their physical appearance.
Remove that factor and people will start to pay more attention to what you have to say regardless of how you may look like.
Therefore, people can rely on their personality and charm when introducing themselves.
As we all know, society places those who are not as good looking at a disadvantage. This levels the playing field for these individuals.
However, there is the possibility that an online persona is not a real life persona. I think this was discussed in one of your earlier blog posts.
You talked about different MSN nicknames. I think this can be applied here as well. Some people will keep the online personas relatively the same as their real life one.
However, there are people (like myself) who act differently online
compared to real life. Thus, it is up to the individual to discern who is "real" and who is not.
That is the one major disadvantage of e-Love. You cannot be sure what the other party's true feelings are until you meet them in person.
In the digital world, there are few instances of non-verbal cues, which are essential to effective communication.
I feel that the great thing about e-Love is that the importance of physical appearance is downplayed. Unfortunately, you will still need to discern other people's real personas.
"exorbitant use of this virtual life robs us of our self worth and confidence" by Zed Ngoh, 2008.
it did not have that effect on me, by the way. even though i have to admit that i did have a "non-existent social life" by theeban, 2008, as my friends are all off to somewhere to study. i was the alone one who was jobless and out of school at that point of time, which lasted for a year. i was just using the "life" i had in the game to pass my time and perhaps to make up for what i am lacking in reality. but that doesn't mean i am constantly STUCK in the game and unable to lead a "normal" life in reality.
whatever other people may think, i did not regret what i did. in fact, i am quite proud of it for not many people have experienced it before.
I think that meeting that special someone online is a great thing. Very often, we make assumptions about people based on how they look or dress. These preconceptions about others then go on to influence how we interact with that person, whether we do so consciously or unconsciously.
However, in a purely online setting, such as a videogame, we are dependent solely on that person’s words and actions (in the case of videogames) in order to judge what sort of person he/she is. This allows each party to get to know the other person better and then choosing if they would like to meet them face to face. In real life, things are often the other way around.
There are inherent dangers either way, of course. People online may just be pretending, or using a persona, to portray themselves as something that they are not. In the same way, others appearances may blind us to the person that they really are, whether it is from caterpillar to butterfly or tadpole to toad. Or as I like to put it, a pretty face hides all flaws.
I don't think there is a complete lack of nonverbal cues. There may be a lack in tone of voice, or posture, but you can still observe behavior.
A few years back when I was playing diablo2, an online friend i've never met spent hours trying to get me an item I wanted. Shouldnt that be viewed as a nonverbal cue that he values me as a friend, or something?
Very nice post emil, brandon.
If you ask me, this is absolutely absurd. I am not criticising the fact individuals find a need to have e-love but it just holds no water with regard to my beliefs. This is something pretty controversial, situations online cannot ditto the real life experiences and no matter how much one argues about how the individual knows the difference between the two worlds, i am not convinced. And to what emil mentioned, there is NO advantage in E love. The safetyu of your computer is the only reason why such individuals are able to behave in such a manner. In real life they are totally different, dont you feel because they have a lack of conection to the REAL world they try and find a sense of identity in the virtual world, which in turn just deteriorates their condition. This lack of a physical appearance, how is it even an advantage????
Something to think about. A good topic of debate though, i must say.
I seriously think that virtual love is crap. Ok. There are definitely successful stories of people getting hitch with the help of the World Wide Web. However, with my own life experience, its a entire load of bullshit.
No offense guys. Guys that want to "know" girls via any community site i.e. facebook, friendster; I reckon is in fact more dangerous than guys in the club. At least in the club you get to see the person. Via sites. Well, only the face and some maybe fake information about that person. And with the help of photoshop, a person can look 10 times better than in real life. So, believe 10% of the stuff on the net? ~Shrugs~
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